The D Word

I am no stranger of divorce.  My parents divorced 15 years ago, I was 18 years old at the time, the oldest of five children.  I grew accustomed to hearing the fighting, the yelling.  So when my parents called us downstairs one night and told us my mom was leaving, I didn't react.  I felt numb and was not shocked at all to hear the news.  It had been such a long time coming that it was more of a relief for us than any thing it should have been. My father went through a large grieving process.  He was mad, sad, furious.  He lashed out at my mom in any way he could.  He got drunk and even threatened to commit suicide.  Hardest thing I ever had to do was call the police and have him taken to jail so he would sleep off the drunken stupor. After that he tried to find solace with women.  He went from relationship to relationship.... searching... seeking, never finding what he had with my mother. Eventually he met her.  She was younger than him, and needed a place to live, so she moved into the rental place my parents had been managing next door.  She had three kids, the youngest was a toddler.  My father loved kids, he did really well fathering them.  He started spending more time there than he did with us.  Eventually, he lost our house, moved the kids in next door with her.  Seven years later, they married.  None of us children felt loved by her.  We never felt like part of her family.  Even as we grew up, I had children of my own, she never truly made me feel like she loved me or my kids.  Obviously she showed my children more love than me.  But I only really accepted her as part of the family because of my father. Now, 6 years later, after many arguments, leaving, etc, they have called it quits.  The break up feels the same for me as it did for my parents.  Difference is I missed my mom.  I find it ironic that the woman who has been with my father for about 14 years, has completely severed ties with my siblings and me.  Not a word spoken or written to us.  Deleted AND blocked from Facebook.  Her children, my step-siblings, have also deleted me.  It is a weird thing when you realize that a person who has been in your life for that long, does not care about you.  She does not care about your siblings.  And she does not care about your kids.  Explaining to my children where she is and the situation is harder than ever having to deal with it myself.  Then seeing my kids not being hurt by it shows me how little she did for them.  How much she didn't show affection towards my children.  How she never made them feel like they were part of her family.  My father is now having to fight for his retirement.  Please keep my father in your prayers.  Though he isn't admitting it, I know this has to be hurting him.  The loss of a spouse.  The past feelings being brought back to light.  The hurt that he isn't admitting.  Also pray for her.